The lifelong Tottenham fan had never been to the Etihad before. He was there for the first time at the last minute instigation of the Manchester City fanatic with whom he’d forged a friendship on Twitter.
Meeting for the first time, the courteous Spurs supporter predicted his team would be roundly stuffed…6-0 was the prediction.
The Beast – oh so ‘sixy’ along with his City team mates
His ‘hosts’ – thinking the visitor was simply being polite or, at best, covering his tracks in the event of City triumphing by the odd goal – smiled and settled into their seats for kick-off.
14 seconds into the match and a divine touch from Jesus had the home fans in a state of euphoria. The sage like Spurs man nodded: ‘6-0, I’m telling you…’
How right he was, how unbelievably right he was, as the hitherto best defence in the Premier League was annihilated in a frenzy of attacking ferocity from the most potent goalscorers in the English top flight.
Spurs had only conceded six all season long, over nearly 1,000 minutes of play. They did likewise in just a tenth of the time as City built up a title winning goal advantage. There’s just the minor detail of amassing sufficient points between now and 17th May 2014, left to be addressed.
Divine Jesus – Navas started and finshed the slaughter
The performance was as breathtaking as it was mind blowing. City were languishing 8th in the table a point behind their visitors. A win, any kind of win, was imperative after the pathetic inadequacies of the defeat at Sunderland.
No one (bar one) could have foreseen what was to come – it wasn’t ABH, it wasn’t GBH, it was AVB an – astonishingly, violent battering – meted out by a Manchester City side that suddenly awoke to the realisation that they ARE the best team in the land!
City still shorn of the all pervading positivity and leadership of Captain Fantastic Kompany, were aided and abetted by a Spurs side who couldn’t score in a Thai brothel with a wedge of £50 notes.
The defending still had elements of Keystone Kop capers about it, but when your defence starts with the Holy Trinity of Jesus, God-like Sergio and The Beastly Alvaro crucifying an opponent, you can get away with almost anything.
For the City diehards who had suffered years of Spurs dominance and had seen ‘Tottenham From The Lane’ come up to Manchester and win seven out of nine encounters in recent times, it was sweet…oh so very sweet.
Three consecutive home wins against the nemesis from North London had eased the pain somewhat but this, this, was something else.
Super Sergio – 15 goals scored already this season
The Edin Dzeko show when he bagged four goals in the 5-1 demolition ‘darn sarf’ in City’s Premier League winning campaign, the remarkable 4-3 FA Cup win in 2004 having been 3-0 down and Joey Barton sent-off, even the famous ‘Ballet on Ice’ when vintage Lee, Bell & Summerbee and Co stuffed Spurs 4-1 at a frozen Maine Road in 1967 – all were surpassed by this tsunami of sumptuous scoring splendour.
And yet the football pundits still cannot rid themselves of the bile they spew forth about our beloved Sky Blues. Mark ‘Lawro’ Lawrenson of Match of the Day and Mirror newspaper infamy – a prime example of how reconstituted diarrhoea can take the guise of a human being – said the result was a ‘fluke’.
City’s 7-0 trouncing of Norwich owed everything to the Canaries failings. The 4-1 derby day massacre had simply caught Manure under new (mis)management on a bad day…blah, blah, bleein’ blah ad nauseam.
Can you imagine the media masturbation marathon that would have ensued had it been Joe Hart who had committed anything akin to Hugo Lloris’ first minute howler, effectively gift-wrapping City’s opener.
On his way back – Joe missed the Spurs stuffing but he’ll be back for the Champions League on Wednesday
They would have ripped the heart out of Joe’s chest and rejoiced at a career that would have resembled a cadaver.
Instead they grudgingly acknowledge an effort which apparently owed more to Andre Villa Boas’ idiotic formations and clueless tactics.
AVB may well have blown his ‘Bale’ money but most football journos and experts were previously lauding the Portuguese coach for spending wisely before old Big Ears headed off to Madrid.
And when it comes to money well spent last summer, look no further than the £36m Sheikh Mansour sanctioned to go to Sevilla for the services of Negredo and Navas.
If it were left to the likes of ‘Lawro’ nobody would mention ‘The Spanish Acquisitions’, but the duo tore into Tottenham with the same effect as the infamous torturers of the Inquisition, who disembowelled their religious and political opponents in the late14th century.
Navas’ sublime chip from an acute angle was heavenly in its execution as City were one up within seconds. Amazingly it took more than half-an-hour for City to increase their lead.
Rick O’Shea – The Beast was denied a goal to his name as the ball ricocheted off Kaboul & Sandro
Lloris clawed Aguero’s chip shot only as far as Negredo whose goalbound strike ricocheted off Kaboul and Sandro en-route to its resting place in the Spurs net.
Cue massacre.
Aguero – the fabulous Aguero – finished off a free flowing move down the right flank where Zabaleta released Navas, whose tantalising cross was met by Sergio who directed the ball into the bottom left hand corner of Lloris’ goal.
Half time dawned and the 6-0 prophecy was 50% done. The odds of a 6-0 City win had started at odds of 200/1. Even with 45 minutes left the doubting bookmakers were still giving a generous 23/1. Throughout it all ‘our’ crystal-ball gazing guest from the south remained resolute – City to win 6-0!
Within 10 minutes of the restart and goals of unutterable class from Aguero and Negredo even had the Spurs’ fortune-teller tempted to revise his prediction upwards to possibly 9-0!
Yaya Toure did what he does best, taking a deft lay off from Negredo before juicing up the pitch in juggernaut style, batting off Kyle Walker’s pathetic attempts to foul him, before squaring an inch perfect pass to Aguero.
Unstoppable – Sergio is up there with Ronaldo and Messi on current form
Sergio scored his 15th goal of the season in fine style. On present form would any City fan swap him for Messi or Ronaldo?
The reborn Nasri nearly got in on the act with an audacious shot with the outside of his boot that beat his fellow Frenchman in Spurs’ goal, only to see it come back off the bar.
Negredo then added to City’s haul with a drag back and shot that left Dawson for dead and Lloris clutching at thin air. 5-0!
The usually vociferous away support had been quelled sometime before. Now the jubilant City Choir were chirping something about Gareth Bale departing because he knew the rest of his colleagues were well, let’s say, waste material.
Oh the banter of the modern day football arena!
Alvaro acclaimed – The Spanish striker is a massive hit with the Etihad crowd
Meanwhile our magnanimous Spurs fan, resident in the Colin Bell Stand, was almost perversely willing the sixth goal to go in so he, and he alone, could turn to a City fan and say ‘ I told you so’.
Jesus Navas duly delivered the coup de grace after James Milner swept the ball all of 50 yards upfield, unleashing the Spanish speedster in a foot race with the filthy Jan Vertonghen.
The Belgian defender would have been cleansing himself much earlier in the day had it not been for the questionable refereeing of Howard ‘The Red’ Webb. The clueless official flashed yellow instead of red on a couple of occasions and Vertonghen should have been sent off well before the final whistle
Nice viewing – The Etihad scoreboard says it all
As it was he was on hand as Navas completed the 6-0 humiliation in the dying seconds. This was Six & The City – orgasmic stuff!
City were supreme, ‘Spuds’ mashed and one Tottenham fan weirdly smug that he’d been proven painfully correct.
#TrustOurMP
By David Walker
@djwskyblu
This report is dedicated to one of the nicest gents I have had the pleasure of meeting in many a year – Nick Spalding – a true sport who had an unerring premonition of what was about to befall his football team.
David, you just get better and better - a joy to read. Your love for City and your beautiful journalistic style bursting through the happy energy which rewards a reader every time - love it!
Ahh cheers Suzy...& ReadButNeverRed loves you too ;-)
Now I wonder if that nice Mr Lawrenson is on Twitter...?
Yeah, but Citeh are like a man who can't perform and using a dildo - their own equipment [sic.] didn't work so they have a rich Arab provide them with a diamond encrusted vibrator. It might get the job done, but does it satisfy the man (in this cae Citeh and their fans) in the same way as performing with their own equipment would have? ;-/
City have had plenty of stimulation over the years, mainly based on anxiety, so if we can insert a little excitement into our lives, stiffen our resolve and stop having to pay lip service to others we'll use whatever aids it takes to climax as champions of England, maybe even Europe in due course. We just want to keep those juices flowing and the party going - we even delight in changing ends at half time and continuing to score. We were labelled 'noisy neighbours' so we'll pump it up big time so you can hear us coming for years & years & years...
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Beautifully written. A joy to watch yesterday and truly baffled why we don't do this away from home but surely it will come. The longer we continue the true journos will one day give an unbiased opinion although I have my doubts. Oh and a nice jesture by your goodself
Cheers Eileen - if you mean my dedication...what a top bloke to see his team (s)mashed but still be a top gent - quite remarkable.
Think the performance was nearly as good as your write-up, David!
Need to carry this on through the new year and maybe, just maybe, we can get something started!
Top work, Mr Walker!
Don't be silly JC - my humble scribings don't match up to Sergio and Alvaro's sharp-shooting boots! We'll know better by tea-time December 7 - have we plundered six points from the Baggies and Saints?
Well perhaps we should start calling you the beast!!
Well I sure as hell don't qualify for the Beauty!
I honestly didn't see this scoreline coming. Spurs never really threatened City's goal with the possession they did enjoy, and were dismantled themselves by our pace, flair, and movement. A joy to watch, and write about!
To be fair, Graham, for a period in the second half after our goal and up until our second, I thought it was conceivable for us to concede - especially at moments when Demichelis cleared etc.
Fortunately, we held out and then went on to make them pay.
On reflection, yes, fair comment, Josh.
There's only one man who saw it coming and bless him, he's not a betting man - £10 would have seen him £2k better off!
Well, just stumbled across this blog and decided to read through some of your articles/blogs.
Very refreshing style I might add, almost poetic. The partisan flavour is like a hint of saffron in a good paella, it's the perfect ingredient without stifling the dish. Personally I would be more vociferous in my opinion of Lawro's opinion but then the realisation that he probably enjoys the verbal retort (even wants and needs it) hits home.
I for one will be an avid reader (sorry, never a follower) in your future musings.
Many thanks Neale - that's a pretty nice line in comments you have there sir and a bit of a dab hand in the cookery department by the sound of it as well. I would always rather have readers than followers - thanks again.
My brother was worried .. I told him he aint heavy and that Spurs posses no forward threat & City win 3 nil .. Magnificent performance against everyones top 4 contenders . That's 13-1 against Manure , Everton & Spurs , we should already be top now but I'm ok with us on the rails until Xmas and with Kompany & Silva back fit we will take some stopping, just need the engineer to solve the away day conundrum and the title will be ours come May. Great write up as usual , I enjoyed listening to Talk Spurs this morning on the way to work, same biased drivel about how bad they were ...didn't mention the 6 finishes of supreme quality . Thanks David
Thankyou fella for reading and commenting. Loved your tweet about the 'long ball game...' very amusing. You should give blogging a spin!
Dawson in defence makes vertogen kaboul and walker look like they are shi ts
Weird to think that same back four were the holders of the best defensive record in the PL before City set about them.
southampton had the best defensive record, by the way - but nice try to ameliorate City
Oh and FACT this - Southampton & Spurs had the same defensive record going into the match, both having conceded six. I always remember the pearl of wisdom passed onto me by my dear departed Dad. He said: Just remember, as you go through life NOBODY LOVES A SMARTARSE." Sound advice, don't you agree?
Dont get too excited, goal 1 and two were gift wrapped from Tottenham mistakes and Navas goal was a fkuke it was a mishit cross. Tottenham would of destroyed you otherwise. Get a grip you manc wanks your just a pathetic sinbad owned yo yo club. You got lucky get a fucking grip you freaks.
Yes mate that's 6 - SIX - lucky goals...if only I had your wisdom and insight, not to mention your grasp of the Queen's English. You should go far with all of those talents - try New Zealand.
wow a team that spent a billion to become a 'big' club beat spurs 6-0.
Don't make you big - dont make you respected.
Still a microscopic dot in world football and always will be.
And spurs can spend £107m every summer, and they will still be 8th.
And I wonder which club do you support, but hey, thanks for pushing the readership figures up.
I felt that Pelligrini set a trap for AVB and Spurs walked straight into it! Their high line defending was something I hadn't seen since my under 10 days for the great New Mills AFC.
I felt (and the possession stats backed this up) that we altered our game such that we weren't pressing high up the pitch. By allowing Spurs to have the ball in their own half this pulled their defence out. This in turn allowed us to use the pace of Sergio and Navas to devastating effect.
In MP we trust!
I see what you did there using my humble little blog to big yourself up to my audience of millions about your halcyon days with New Mills AFC U-10s :-)
Great tactical observation - cheers Ginge - thanks for reading.
"Media masturbation marathon" You nearly owed me a new laptop when I spat my morning cuppa all over my keyboard. "Orgasmic Stuff"? You need to put this out after the watershed!
Tremendous synopsis, enjoyed reading that nearly as much as the match.
Mr Spalding should have had the courage of his convictions, a trip to the bookies and he could have left the Etihad with some compensation at least.
It was written & published well after the watershed. Is it my fault you'd had your warm milk and shuffled off to bed beforehand, only to read my sky blue cyber porn over your wheatybangs at breakfast time?
Thinks must be hotting up if the Stretford rejects visit to give you grief! :-)
Getting back to the game, we did still look a bit weak in defence and I thought Pantillimon had a few flaps.
Going forward is a completely different story thankfully and who can fail to admire the Negredo and Aguero partnership (media excluded)?
Let's hope for the 4th or 5th time this season that City kick on from here and go on a run of winning every game through November and December.
Hopefully Kompany will be back shortly and we can buy either Mangala or Zouma in January to shore up the centre of defence in all eventualities. Wouldn't mind some more strength at LB as neither Clichy or Kolarov are consistently up to the mark this season.
If we can win at WBA, Southampton & Fulham next month we should be well in the mix, if not top of tree for the start of 2014.
Big word 'IF'!
Here's hoping this will be the kick up the arse Spurs needed to take the rags apart at WHL next weekend.
That would be well received, especially if Adebayor bags a hat-trick and earns the £40k a week that are still paying the lazy SOB!
Superbly written and a pleasure to read, as always. You are so spot on with how the media would have reacted if it had been Joe Hart screwing up like that. I don't know why we bother listening or reading any more.
Thanks George - stories emerging we are after Iker Casillas NOT Asmir Begovic as rmoured. Hopefully keep hold of Joe and have two class acts fighting it out in goal. That could change if someone offers £20m for Joe, but I would hate to see him go.
Great read as always - never fail with the verbal virtuosity. It's a shame that some of the comments by our less than blue chums never let reasoned argument get in the way of of a few expletives! A good result, and if we can convert that form to the away games then it really will be brown trouser time for the rest of league!
I could veto these foul-mouthed illiterate types but within reason I 'll let them have their say - it just gives them the stage to show the world how stupid they truly are - I mean we win 6-0 and City are 'lucky'! One can only assume he's Lawro's bastard love-child!
Brilliant read again David. Must admit I expected a win but never expected that but judging by our home performances even someone at the top end of the league were going to be put to the sword. That partnership up front is proving to be one of the best..if not the best in world football. MP certainly did his homework when choosing negrado to partner aguero. Master stroke. Let the pundits keep putting us down, love proving them wrong time & again.
You're on the money there GR - we coveted Cavani but he cost PSG £63M. We took Negredo for just over a third of that price and I don't believe Cavani could have bettered the efforts and outputs of The Beast. Absolutely ideal for the Premeir League and no slouch either in the Champions League. At this rate Alvaro is looking like the best buy of the summer.
My week is not complete without reading your article - great piece again! Those photos came in handy again for our second half sub :)
He'll have to get a negative reaction sooner or later! Ship him out to warmer climes in January - Portugal or a bloody big furnace!
Great review David, fantastic performance from the boys in blue with some luck we'll transfer our home form to our away games.So funny that you've got rags on here making comments, think they might be getting a bit twitchy haha!!
Cheers AD let's see if we're celebrating a trio of PL away wins in December - THAT would be a corner turned.
Awsome my dave
'My' Dave - I think Mrs Debi Walker might have something to say about that! Only joking fella - typos - they happen to the zest fo us ;-)
Beautifully written Dave almost as good as the game itself i agree with ever word written. Hopefully we will transfer some of this form to the away games It seems even the rags are coming on here now maybe there getting bit worried about the noisy neighbors.
We're gonna pump up the volume and get some seriously bad Sub Woofers - CITY ARE BACK CITY ARE BACK...
It's as if we never went away ;-)
I think this is your best piece to date, especially loved "how reconstituted diarrhoea can take the guise of a human being" and "nobody would mention ‘The Spanish Acquisitions." Seems like visiting teams aren't expecting them, (bless the Python team.) And as someone else posted, the fact that the rags are now coming on to 'comment' must be most encouraging, as it means you're upsetting them; if only they could raise their 'banter' above the repetition of the usual sobriquets, it might become fun. However, I'm not holding my breath waiting for intelligent comment from the rags keyboard army.
Wise words indeed. Don't hold any big breaths,but that that does not include Kelly Brook with a lisp!
"couldn’t score in a Thai brothel with a wedge of £50 notes" - I laughed so hard at that one a wee bit of wee came out! Great stuff David. Thanks
READ BUT NEVER RED accepts NO RESPONSIBILITY for your laundry bills! Rather like Joe Hart, we are very very keen on clean sheets!