MAN CITY 4 MAN UTD 1 – Annihilation, humiliation & devastation – welcome to the Etihad!

Delicious derby day delirium was delivered with devastating destruction as the Etihad paid perverse homage to the Red Devil’s new Squadron Leader David Moyes.

A 4-1 annihilation of his reviled reds guaranteed a reception way beyond any 4G phone provider as good old ‘3G’ was consumed in a cacophony of irony with the City fans chorusing ‘There’s only one David Moyes, one David Moyes…” well before the final whistle.

As Manuel Pellegrini and Gollum the Glaswegian Gargoyle (3G) had entered the fray as Manchester derby virgins at 16.00hrs, there was only one who waddled away at 18.00hrs having been totally screwed…and it wasn’t the chirpy Chilean chap who could well end up a champion next May.

Mission accomplished - Sergio & Manuel shake on a job extremely well done!

Mission accomplished – Sergio & Manuel shake on a job extremely well done!

Manchester City were simply magnificent as they battered and brutalised the Trafford troglodytes in the sumptuous late September sunshine.

Moyes the haunter was transformed into Moyes the haunted, as the superb men in sky blues chased away more than a decade of pain at the hands of the ex-Everton manager.

If this showing is anything to go by, City prefer him in 50 shades of red rather than royal blue, as he and his submissives were subjected to a ‘session’ that even Christian Grey would have approved!

Fantasic Kompany - Vinnie was as one with an ecstatic Etihad crowd

Fantasic Kompany – Vinnie was as one with an ecstatic Etihad crowd

Again and again City penetrated United’s rearguard with searing pace, purpose and precision – Aguero, Navas, Nasri and Negredo – all taking it in turns to ram home their advantage up what was, to all intents and purposes, Fergie’s fundament.

Ferdinand moved as swiftly as a camel with haemorrhoids, and unlike a wine that matures to perfection the Rio vintage is decidedly corked and sour nowadays. Vidic was ‘beasted’ by City’s man from Sevilla on numerous occasions, Smalling gave a performance in keeping with his name and Evra wasn’t even quick enough to foul anyone.

The only source of City regret was the absence of Trafford’s village idiot – Beaker the Buffoon – Phil Jones, the master of contorted discombobulation. Maybe he was at home with his crayons?

It’s alleged that Jonesy boy had verbally abused a seven-year old City fan when Manure triumphed 3-2 at the Etihad last December. The little lad’s ‘crime’ was to have a banner showing Beaker’s utterly gormless expression when the moment dawned that City had won the title in 2012. Not a nice man.

Amid the carnage Moyes could hide behind excuses that this wasn’t his team – only the felon Fellaini – had been signed by Manure’s new boss – the rest were Sir Baconface’s  ‘20 somethings’.

Lest we forget he’d inherited the Champions, the perfectly tuned, smooth running, all conquering ‘glory glory’ Man United, Fergie’s funboys. It speaks volumes for the man that he’s managed to make his mark in such a short space of time.

Manuel Pellegrini has done much the same within the boundaries of the city of Manchester, but in a totally different direction. For those who doubted City’s MP in the wake of a sterile display at Stoke – shame on you – for God’s sake TRUST YOUR MP!

His detractors – admittedly a vociferous minority – can once again adorn themselves in their glory hunting gear and praise the manager to the rafters…until the next hint of adversity hits. They are truly NOT worthy.

Divine performance - Jesus Navas was heavenly against the Red Devils

Divine performance – Jesus Navas was heavenly against the Red Devils

But for those who are – the sometimes silent majority – this, the 166th Manc derby was fun in the sun personified. Like a perfect storm, wave after wave after wave of City attacks battered United into oblivion.

Only Shrek, sorry Harry Potter, errr Scarface – bloody hell what’s his name, the guy with the merkin…Rooney, that’s the jigger, played with any gusto in the red ranks.

Wayne did indeed score a wonderful consolation free kick for the disembowelled visitors, but only because his friend and colleague, Howard Webb, allowed him to stay on the field, despite a litany of fouls.

City celebrations - Pellegrini's men pounded United into the dirt

City celebrations – Pellegrini’s men pounded United into the dirt

The Standing Order for young Webb must have continued in the wake of Fergie’s departure. One can only imagine United’s new CEO Eddy ‘Fasthand’ Woodward desperately trying to cancel it, only to find out the banks were closed on a Sunday. It’s a bit like trying to sign a left back from Real Madrid with ten minutes left of the transfer window – oops.

As for City’s display, well it was sublime for 65 minutes and then the boys in blue broke out the cigars and the after dinner port, having done their day’s work in next to no time

Superlatives are inadequate for the contributions of Pellegrini’s pugnacious warriors, but I’ll have a go all the same.

Deadly duel - Rooney played well...Kompany was even better

Deadly duel – Rooney played well…Kompany was even better

Captain Vincent Kompany is the pulse, the beating heart, the essence, the embodiment of everything that’s right about Manchester City. He IS irreplaceable and he marshals his men ‘Spartacus-like’ in battle. He also kept United’s stand out man – Rooney under control.

Aguero’s finishing is as lethal as a Mo Farah sprint down the home straight.  His first goal –  and 50th in City colours – lit the sky blue touch paper in this most one-sided of derbies after a gorgeous hook up on the left wing between Nasri and Kolarov.

Samir flicked a cheeky pass into Alek’s rangefinder and AK47 fired a sniper’s shot across the face of United’s goal for Aguero to pull the trigger and execute the perfect finish. 1-0.

City surge - Aguero blew United away

City surge – Aguero blew United away

Nasri, so forlorn and demonised following his MIA (Missing In Action) display the last time United came to town when ducking from Van Persie’s winning free kick, was instrumental in City’s second.

His deft corner was nodded on by Negredo into Yaya Toure who had eluded his marker, the flailing Fellaini. Yaya’s midweek wonder strike against Plzen was replaced by an unsightly ‘knee-nudger’ past De Gea. Nonetheless it was a vision of beauty in added time.

The goal totally buggered up 3G’s half time team talk, but whatever instructions Moyes had mouthed at the interval evaporated in the 47th minute.

Kolarov combined with Negredo down the left flank, before City’s new Spanish striker, as sweet as any Seville orange, outpaced and turned Vidic and bagged his second assist of the afternoon.

With Ferdinand looking as if on his way to a home for the bewildered, Sergio surged into the six yard box and buried the ball into the United net for his 51st goal in City’s colours.

Same again - two Sergio strikes helped smash United up the rear

Same again – two Sergio strikes helped smash United up the rear

Three minutes later and Nasri’s redemption was complete after being crucified for cowardice last December. How fitting that it was a cross from Jesus that saw the Frenchman rise again.

Navas powered down the right wing, Negredo’s run pulled the mis-shapen Manure defence away from Nasri, lurking unmarked with the kind of space accorded to a man with flatulence at an office party.

His volley streaked past De Gea sending the Etihad into ecstacy – simply wonderful.

It was a nigh on faultless performance whereas United must have felt they’d stood on a fault line, such was the seismic wave that floored them. Yes, RVP was missing, but if all United’s eggs are in the Dutchman’s basket, it could be a clucking long season for the Swamp-dwellers.

For City, it’s now a case of can they reproduce this level of intensity, passion and performance when the stakes aren’t perceived as being so high. As superb an occasion as the humiliation of the Reds was, it’s still only three points, the same numerical reward as are up for grabs at Villa Park on Saturday.

A cold, clinical approach, aligned to the fervour and ferocity of the derby demolition, would bode well and would surely see the Premier League champions pennant back at the Etihad next May.


By David Walker








  1. September 23, 2013  9:09 am by Mark Reply

    Thought the Plzen game might be the launching pad to our season, but not with such devastating effect. Every man and boy played their part yesterday. The atmosphere before the game started felt special, the chorus of bluemoon too the drummers.

    Every player in blue seemed so up for this even the subs warming up we're at it. We were class from Hart to Negredo and without doubt the best derby performance in many a year. Even better than the 6-1 drubbing at the swamp

    • September 23, 2013  9:40 am by David Walker Reply

      Yes it was rather splendid wasn't it - thanks for reading and commenting.

  2. September 23, 2013  9:26 am by Guvnor Reply

    Another great read, but for me a few of the bigger words were wasted. Just a thought though, Ushited were short of Robin V purse nobody mentioned we were without our playmaker Mr Silva. Cannot wait until January when MP knows who and what he wants then. I commented about the Stoke result I apologise in writing now. CTID.

    • September 23, 2013  9:39 am by David Walker Reply

      Top top man Guvnor - listen to the Geezer - occasionally he imparts pearls of wisdom - #TrustOurMP

  3. September 23, 2013  9:38 am by Graham Ward Reply

    That second scruffy goal was the one that really lit the touch paper. The least stylish of the four, but the most important, I think, as it floored United. They were demolished by a superb City team from the start until we did pull back just after the hour mark.
    The question was asked on MOTD 2 last night by the commentator (Mowbray) if Van Persie's absence made a difference. The simple answer is yes, but the true answer is no. United were a wreck in the defence and midfield - you can't do anything without the ball!

    • September 23, 2013  9:44 am by David Walker Reply

      Wise words indeed Mr Ward. On the question of one-man teams, we are so much better with Kompany, as any team would be, but we need to buy a top quality CB in January for longevity. Get Mangala from Porto and in future perm 2 or even 3 from any 4 on matchdays 2014 and beyond, namely Vinnie, Nastasic, Rejik (when returning from PSV) and Mangala - very fast, early 20s top class - even at £25m+.

  4. September 23, 2013  9:50 am by Mole Rocks Reply

    Loving the tapestry you've weaved with your words there sir.

    Was a definite case of having to pinch yourself to check you weren't dreaming yesterday.

    Considering United kept 11 players on the pitch and the level of dominance, this result might just edge the 6-1 win.

    Kompany, Nasri, Negredo and Aguero all got a 10 for me, everyone else 9.5 :-)

    The pace and movement throughout the team was excellent and even Kolarov looked good in defence, to add to his attacking qualities.

    As you mention, it is only 3 points and we have our own issues of being over reliant on Kompany to provide the heartbeat of the team, but what a beat it is.

    His celebration after the 4th goal personifies his desire to win and I believe his love for City. He cares and it means the world to him when City click.

    I'm going to spend the day watching all the videos and highlights and drink it all in, I hope everyone does the same and gets ready to cheer the team on to repeat their demolition tactics against Wigan and Aston Villa.

    Last but not least, thanks to MP and the rest of the backroom team, if this is the new modus operandi for City, we shall all be demanding they be given the freedom of Manchester in the near future.

    • September 23, 2013  10:06 am by David Walker Reply

      Thanks for some well crafted comments Carl - much appreciated.

  5. September 23, 2013  10:28 am by Nev Artingstall Reply

    One of the most satisfying afternoons at the Etihad yet superbly scribed again by your good self David. Great read as always. 3G, haha
    P.S. thanks for the twitter follow
    Nev Artingstall

    • September 23, 2013  11:16 am by David Walker Reply

      Thanks for reading and commenting on rbnr #MCFCBLUEBROS

  6. September 23, 2013  10:43 am by Guvnor Reply

    Remember everyone, Moyes has never won a derby match, ask all the Everton fans.

    • September 23, 2013  11:17 am by David Walker Reply

      Really - he's never beaten Liverpool? That's incredible and he still hasn't after Sturridge did the deed this season. Well I never...

  7. September 23, 2013  10:47 am by Dave Ormrod Reply

    Brilliant as always, I really want us to go on a run of 10 wins and destroy everyone in our wake, is that too greedy?, Blue Moon

    • September 23, 2013  11:31 am by David Walker Reply

      Not at all, I was thinking more like 33 Premier League, 12 CL, 7 FA Cup and what would it be 6 Capital Punishment wins on the bounce so, no, 10 wins isn't being greedy one little bit :-)

  8. September 23, 2013  10:55 am by carol Reply

    Oh Davy, your linguistic gymnastics, your litteny of alliterations, your naughty names.....I think you enjoyed writing this as much as you enjoyed the game itself! I certainly enjoyed reading it. Long may your creative juices flow and long may our glorious team give you something to slaver over!

    • September 23, 2013  11:18 am by David Walker Reply

      Sounds a bit messy Blondie...but I'll take it. Have it gift wrapped and sent round! Thanks Carol for your kind comments.

  9. September 23, 2013  10:59 am by Fifthcolumnblue Reply

    This was exactly the same squad + Fellaini that pissed the league by 11 points last season.

    What does that tell me?

    That their success was solely down to the nefarious influence of Ferguson and a handful of intimidated/bent referees.

    To be fair, Webb did his best to help them out, and I really thought we'd be in trouble when he booked Nastasic early doors for what was an innocuous 50-50. But despite his best efforts, City players kept their heads, and didn't give Webb any excuses.

    The emperor has no clothes. Well played City

    • September 23, 2013  11:23 am by David Walker Reply

      Fergie naked - enough to turn you vegetarian. Good points No 5 - yes I thought Webb was shocking and obviously so desperate he could do little to disguise his bias. Valencia should have been sent off for diving and then dissent, Rooney should have gone for persistent foul play, Fellaini escaped whacking his national skipper with intent and Howard obviously believes United are allowed to handle the ball at least twice every game. That sharp CEO over at Manure will cancelling that Standing Order today...if he gets their before the bank closes.

  10. September 23, 2013  11:55 am by Lawson Dauer Reply

    Great read - thanks. Do you agree that the image of Komps celebrating as if he himself had scored encapsulates all that it means to be City?

    • September 23, 2013  7:26 pm by David Walker Reply

      Absolutely - I've nabbed it as my Twitter avi for the time being - Vinny is the best centre back in the world at the moment - wouldn't swap him for anyone in that position.

  11. September 23, 2013  1:14 pm by Dave Lloyd Reply

    Another good unbiased totally rounded piece of script that had me in fits.Keep up the good work.

    • September 23, 2013  8:26 pm by David Walker Reply

      Dave many thanks for reading and commenting but if you think I am 'shudda gone to Specsavers...' No offence mate but I am very biased but will seek to balance things off when and where appropriate. If you go back to my match reports on Southampton or Swansea away for instance, you'll see how I can express disdain for our beloved Blues.

  12. September 23, 2013  1:42 pm by Graceyboy_blue Reply

    I think it is something inherent at the swamp, that you need to leave any resemblance of class at the door before you go in. 3G had a good apprenticeship at Everton on being a obnoxious scroat, yet has risen to another level under the watchful wing of the whisky warbling warlock, that left the swamp managerial seat stained with the vitriol required to seep into any successors veins with the right effect. His continued pitch that the fixtures are "fixed" is evidence enough in my eye to be attributed to a clueless gibbering cretin that has decided to have his own attempt at adding an appendix to the affore mentioned ex drunken employee's guide to "10 Emergency Excuses" that included wrong coloured shirts as it's all conquering calamity causes of crumpling to the common code of Shitness.
    I loved every minute of the game yesterday, but it was topped off today being able to read fantastic articles like this Dave, that put the icing on it, and topped it with hundreds and thousands of laughing blues.

    • September 23, 2013  8:28 pm by David Walker Reply

      Do you know GB - I get the impression you have been a very happy bunny these last 24 or so hours. Let's hope it lasts all the way through to Easter and beyond #MCFCPLCHAMPS2014!

  13. September 23, 2013  2:00 pm by Andy Devereux Reply

    Quality stuff again David.Got to admit i thought we would win yesterday but not in the manner we did but i'm not complaining.Awesome all over the pitch that's all you can say about that performance. #TrustOurMP

    • September 23, 2013  8:29 pm by David Walker Reply

      Same here, I thought we'd edge it 2-0 in a tight affair, but it's nice to get it wrong under these circumstances.

  14. September 23, 2013  3:05 pm by Alan Baxter Reply

    I do enjoy reading these match reports summed up in your own inimitable style! I've bugger all to add, except that run of Navas, that created our 4th, was like watching (appropriately enough) a Derby contender up against Shank's pony.
    A scoreline that in no way flattered us, but, flattened the Rags. Let's push on now, 11 changes for the Wigan tie and then a tough trip to Brum, never easy at Villa, but play anything like we did yesterday and we should have another 3 points come Saturday teatime.

    • September 23, 2013  8:31 pm by David Walker Reply

      I love Villa away - it's half an hour or so instead of the 2.5 - 3.5 hour home games and we hardly ever lose - there you go that's hexed it! It's games like Villa way where we have to maintain focus and ensure that the Manure Massacre doesn't go to waste. Three points is three points, but let's be honest, creaming United is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sweet!

  15. September 23, 2013  6:47 pm by mark james Reply

    fantastic read true witty and humourous .. i personally thort we were awesome every player performed ... an wasier way to describe the game ..... WAALOPED !!

    • September 23, 2013  8:33 pm by David Walker Reply

      Cheers MJ City were supreme. As for the Reds, even poor old Howard's game spun out of control!

  16. September 23, 2013  8:12 pm by Big Fat Ron Reply

    Appallingly overwritten drivel.

    • September 23, 2013  9:30 pm by David Walker Reply

      Thanks BFR - you've given me the opportunity to show that I will publish negative feedback on my articles if, as and when we received. I wouldn't put it in the constructive criticism category, but hey, maybe that's not your strong suit. Nonethless, thanks for reading and if - IF - you are a Red, then I take solace in the knowledge that you will never get those 3 or 4 minutes back that you spent reading such drivel.

      • September 23, 2013  10:22 pm by Fifthcolumnblue Reply

        Looks like we got ourselves a classic example of the "Dismissus Brevis"

        • September 24, 2013  4:58 am by David Walker Reply

          Not quite sure what you're on there No 5, but I believe this was a genuine comment and not one of those bloody spam 'replies' most of which I now find to be written in Chinese - tends to make it a tad easier to flag up and dismiss - unless of Read But Never Red is MAHUSSIVE in Shanghai and I'm doing myself a disservice?

          I'm more than happy to approve comments that don't agree with my viewpoint, it's all part of the fun of putting 'yourself' out and being prepared to attract incoming fire at any given time. I get great feedback on twitter, but it'd be so much more rewarding if those commnets were posted on here. That said, I remain grateful to anyone who reads and feels moved to comment - like your good self sir - THANKYOU.

  17. September 23, 2013  8:28 pm by Doug Reply

    Your best one to date Dave you made me laugh more than once with your wit & way with words. I thought we were superb the result was of course important but the way we played excited me more we were awesome from start to finish. The rags must be in meltdown I know where I work they were very quite. As I have said before I like Dezko but for me its got to be Negrado & Aguero up front the two of them ran Vidic & Camel gob ragged. The "Beast " beat Vidic up good & proper. A brilliant day all round.

    • September 23, 2013  8:37 pm by David Walker Reply

      As ever Doug - thankyou. If you get along to the Etihad we must try and say hello some time. It's one of the bonuses of matchdays - home & away - where City fans come up and tell me that they read and like RBNR. I'm not going Billy Big Wotsits, it's just genuinely nice to think a good proportion of our supporters like my work. I found out this afternoon that the website has had more than 6,500 visits in the last 30 days - not bad going...apparently.

  18. September 23, 2013  8:31 pm by Tidds Reply

    Had a massive grin on my face all day you just made it even wider Dj great piece again CITID

    • September 23, 2013  9:31 pm by David Walker Reply

      The imagery of a Cheshire Cat and cream spring to mind. Glad to have been of service #mcfcbluebros.

  19. September 23, 2013  10:59 pm by Paul Russell Reply

    Great read as usual Dave. Not seen one red shirt today, can't imagine why.
    You are right we have to trust in our MP. Keep up the good work

    • September 24, 2013  5:01 am by David Walker Reply

      Thanks Paul a) for your observations that the Greater Speckled Red Tit has probably migrated south earlier than usual this autumn, judging by the lack of sightings and b) that like me, you have complete confidence in our MP who could, at this rate, be heading for a landslide win next May.

  20. September 24, 2013  12:22 am by Kammy A Reply

    Great stuff Dave! The mentality of this club never ceases to amaze, from the ridiculous to the sublime and to be honest, long may it continue. You wouldn't want it any other way. All the best!

    • September 24, 2013  5:07 am by David Walker Reply

      The emotional rollercoaster that is Manchester City Football Club eh, Kammy lad? It can definitely send you looping the loop, screaming with excitement and occasionally make you feel decidedly queasy but, as you say we're used to it now. However, there's a new ride being installed called Kings of the Mountain - it's a ride that takes you up and up and up and up and up and up don't ever come down, but it's hard work with all that silver polishing - could go on for years and years and years...

  21. September 24, 2013  6:55 am by Eileen Fullen Reply


    • September 24, 2013  8:15 am by David Walker Reply

      I do my best...thank you very much.

  22. September 24, 2013  7:36 am by Doug Reply

    The Rag on 606 saying Fatboy was man of match and City a one man band (VK) topped a superb day. Denial in the face oh humiliation! Absolutely brilliant.

    • September 24, 2013  8:16 am by David Walker Reply

      Living proof that Care in the Community never really cut it - letting folk like that have a phone...and then call a radio station - scandalous!!!!

  23. September 24, 2013  3:51 pm by Lawson Dauer Reply

    Have you heard anything from Mr Ferdinand these last few days? I haven't seen him on Twitter recently & am worried that he might be suffering from memory loss. Any thoughts?

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